The inflation reduction act versus a machine gun
Some satire, some world famous economist
Back in 2020, in a little farm, lived Paul and his family.
His parents were hardworking folks, and they toiled in the fields all day. They grew rice.
One evening, Paul was playing with his two siblings—Jay and Janet. Suddenly, they heard the rumbling of a green car engine in the distance and turned around. Janet squinted her eyes.
“The hood’s in flames!” she cried.
Indeed, the hood was in flames. It was a terrible sight. The driver opened the door and pushed himself out while the car was still mobile, while the three children stood rooted to their spot, in shock. The car, now driverless, swayed sideways away from the road and towards the field. It crashed into a rock just about twenty meters ahead of them, the entire car burst into flames.
Jay turned his head to Paul, seeking guidance from his elder brother. If they didn’t act quickly, the fire would begin spreading, destroying everything in its path—including mum and dad’s hard-earned crop yield.
Paul stared intently at the fire for a few seconds. He wiped the sweat off his forehead, and then took a sip from his water bottle.
“Jay and Janet, drink up. We need to stay calm. Hydrate yourselves.”
Jay and Janet nodded silently, taking a sip from their water bottles.
Paul examined the environment around him. He then looked at little Janet. Her widened eyes stared into the flames in awe. This was the first time she’d seen something so bright up so close.
Paul then looked at Jay’s face. Jay looked a little worried, but he didn’t look like he was panicking or anything.
Paul then squinted his eyes and searched for the driver of the car. The fella had walked off.
Then, Paul took another sip of water and smiled.
“Jay, Janet, there’s nothing to see here. Clearly, the informed adult wearing the bright green shirt has seen nothing concerning. He has thus walked away. Even you guys look pretty relaxed.”
Jay murmured:
“But it looks scary… and red…”
Paul grimaced.
“There’s no evidence historically that fires at this specific location result in widespread damage. Just look at the data!”
Jay scratched his head while Janet continued drooling, her eyes fixed on the fire.
“I propose that we walk back. The fire should die down by itself. After all, nobody involved in this situation is expecting a big problem, correct?” said Paul.
Janet clapped her hands and cheered. Jay didn’t know how exactly fire worked. He figured that his elder brother probably knew better. And thus, together, they walked away, sipping their water, believing that when the next day dawned, everything would be OK.
2 years later, in 2022:
“Paul! Do not leave rampant fires alone! Kill them when you see them!” cried Paul’s mother as he set out for school. Paul sighed.
For two long years, Paul had been getting made fun of endlessly. Just because of one fire that almost burnt their livelihoods to the ground. What a bunch of drama queens, his family members were.
And suddenly, Paul spotted something oddly familiar in his path to school.
A FIRE. NEXT TO THE FARMLAND. JUST LIKE TWO YEARS AGO.
He didn’t know what had caused it, or how fast it would spread. Maybe it was the blazing heat? Ah, but the cause didn’t matter.
What did matter was one thing: He had to kill it, no matter what. The fire was still small. There was still hope.
In a flash, he put down his backpack, zipped it open, and took out his water bottle. He took a long sip, again, hydrating himself and reminding himself to stay calm and stay relaxed. He then reached into his backpack and took out a machine gun, laying it out on the field.
“DIE, YOU DREADED FIRE!” he cried, as he turned on auto mode and fired the bullets into the flames.
If you’re interested in stories like this, I wrote a story about the government’s inflation reporting here, and the debate over the recession definition here. Feedback is always welcome!
You can find me on Twitter @ramwithouthorns!
Who is this Paul?!😅
Mr.Krugman’s son?!