When a donkey goes missing during a recession
Some satire, some arse
The first part of this piece is a story. The second part is commentary related to what this story is trying to convey. Depending on how interested you are in inflation, recessions, and all that kind of stuff, you can choose to read both, or whichever you like.
Thanks for being here and give this piece a like if you enjoy it!
P.S. This is satire. My aim isn’t to insult, but to entertain.
I: Story-time
Once upon a time, there lived a humble family in a small house. They were a family of five, and they owned one donkey which they loved dearly.
The donkey was extremely useful. It eased the burden of mother, who once used to carry all the groceries home alone by herself. It helped the father travel further distances to reach more people to sell the shirts and pants he’d tailored. And for the children — it was a lovely companion.
One fine day, the children were out and playing with the donkey at the beach.
They took turns riding it, cuddling it, and playing with it in all sort of ways. But suddenly, Paul, the eldest-child, hit the donkey with a stick he’d found at the side of the beach.
The poor old donkey, hurt and confused, started galloping away — and with Peter still on its back! Janet and Paul looked on in horror as Peter fell down from the donkey, as it gradually ran off into the distance.
Peter rolled in the sand sobbing loudly. Paul, red in the face and well-aware that he was the cause behind this entire mess, consoled Janet, who ignored him, as they both ran towards Peter.
“Are you okay, Pete?” cried Janet as she lifted her little brother’s head and placed it on her lap. Peter’s forehead and arms had been bruised badly.
Paul kneeled down, wiping away his brother’s tears.
“It’s okay, Pete and Janet. Stay strong! Stupid donkey. Ran off for no good reason!”
Janet turned around, her eyes boiling with rage and brimming with tears.
“IT WAS YOUR FAULT! YOU HIT DONKEY WITH A STICK!” she cried.
“Look, I didn’t really hit donkey with a stick. I tapped it. There’s a difference!” he replied.
The bruised and still-sobbing Peter spoke up:
”You hit it! And now because of you, donkey’s gone!”
Paul took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down.
“Look, what does hit really mean? I’m only ten — do I even have enough strength to hit?”
Janet and Peter squinted their eyes, turning to each other in confusion.
“To quantify what hit means, we’ll need to go to a group of experts. And worse still, to determine whether it really was this smooth stick coming into contact with the donkey’s arse that made it run away, we’ll need to examine the mechanics behind how a donkey reacts to different types of stimulus!” cried Paul.
Paul continued:
”What if we get a better donkey in the future because this one ran away? What if we overestimated the importance of this donkey in the first place? What if we never even had a donkey, and all this was just your imagination?! You guys have seen the movie, Inception, right?”
By then, Janet and Peter were completely confused — to the point where they had started to question what had really happened.
Paul grinned:
”Look, when we go back to mama, we’re going to tell her that the donkey ran away, out of the blue, all by itself. We don’t know for sure what happened, now, do we? Let’s not add in potentially irrelevant details.”
Janet and Peter nodded gently, still trying to make sense of what the phrase “out of the blue” meant.
As the three of them walked back home, Paul grinning, Peter wiping away his tears, and Janet still rubbing her head trying to figure out what “out of the blue” meant, they saw their mother waiting outside their hut for them in the distance.
Paul started sprinting towards his mother, jumping at her and giving her a hug upon reaching.
“Mama, the donkey… it ran away for no apparent reason! It even injured Peter! Just look!” he cried, pointing to his little brother behind him.
His mother frowned and swung her hand, giving Krugman Jr. a tight slap.
“You terrible, dishonest child! The donkey ran back here, with a red mark on its arse! What have you done?!” she screamed, as the donkey revealed itself from behind the shed.
II: Econ-time
A couple of days ago, news came out that the US government had officially reported two consecutive quarters of negative GDP growth. Basically:
And then, Twitter went crazy over whether this was a “recession”. A couple of tweets below aptly illustrate this craze, and not gonna lie, it was pretty entertaining to watch this war unfold.
I made some references to the craze in the story — from what counts as a recession, or as a hit, to people suddenly questioning whether GDP was a good metric for measuring economic prosperity in the first place.
The Dems assert that the US government has defined it a little differently for some time now. There are pros and cons to this, and this tweet summarises why pretty well:
Indeed, assuming that the committee is competent and objective, looking at data points apart from just GDP could provide a more nuanced picture.
On the other hand, Republicans assert that two consecutive quarters of negative GDP growth is the textbook definition of a recession.
If you ask me, you can call a “recession” whatever you want.
It’s just a matter of language and expression. We use words to describe things that happen. If we can’t even agree on what a word should mean, then hell, just don’t use that word!
So perhaps at the moment, it’s more useful to look ahead at the tough love we can give the economy to solve pressing problems. Because let’s be real — to some extent, Republicans do want a recession, and democrats do want to understate the problems the economy is facing right now. Neither side is doing great.
Nonetheless— hang in tight, because regardless of what hit means, the donkey’s arse is still red, and for the last six months, the US has produced less and less.
Take care and till next time,
Ja ne!
P.S. If you’re interested in stories like this, I actually wrote a story about the government’s inflation reporting here, and a deflation myth-buster here. I’m transitioning to a story-followed-by-commentary based writing-model, so do subscribe if you’d like!
You can follow me on Twitter @ramwithouthorns!
Image references:
https://www.mutualart.com/Artwork/Children-and-Donkey/E7DF4A77CC6C6ADC
https://www.paintingstar.com/henry-bacon-at-the-well-s102354.html
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donkey
Fine attempt at story telling. Can use an ELI5 at the end to drive the point home.
Good story, and nice touch with Paul :)